Debate.

Me: Why is it that these little hiccups of happiness don't stay long? I know I have made mistakes earlier, but I'm true this time.

Conscious: May be because darkness is more comforting and you secretly wish to get back to it. May be you feel everything has got back to normal when world has gone topsy-turvy outside you.

Me: No, I want some sunshine and colors in my life, I also want be loved, cared. I also want to be like other girls, I also want to lead a peaceful life.

Conscious: Huh! You still have people who love you truly and you know that. And roller coaster rides are never peaceful!

Me: But it succumbs all my energy, it drains me out. All the long gone insecurities build their impenetrable walls in my heart. It's suffocating.

Conscious: At least this phase gives you the inspiration to think, to write, to come out of your cocoon once in two years!

Temptations

Temptation comes to all of us. Whether or not we succumb depends on our ability to recognize its disguise. Sometimes it arrives in the form of an old flame flickering back to life or a new friend who could end up being so much more or a young child who awakens feelings we didn’t think we had. And we give in to these temptations all the while knowing that coming morning we have to suffer the consequences”

– Desperate Housewives

Yeh Dooriyan...

I just now saw the time in my lappy and it shows 00:20.. !! Your birthday had already started and you are in classroom sitting admist some firangs unaware of that fact.. Your face would have been smashed with cake but it shows no emotion now.. Your place would have gone loud with the music but you are sitting somewhere calm nd serene.. How big a difference distance can create..!

The asymmetry that distance brings into one's life is so tremendous. From climate to conversations, from people to priorities, from sunrise to sunset everything changes.. but the biggest hit is the time zone.. Its so strange that my whole day goes by waiting for your night and your whole night goes by waiting for my day... It upsets me that my wake-up calls become your good-night calls turning me all the more nocturnal.. Its a like viscious circle where we don't get to see the sunset together.. but yeah.., the moon makes me realise that WE are still on the same planet...

Our reliance free phone has transformed into India calling cards.. our weekend vacations has transformed into skype video calls.. our sulking about bosses has transformed into musings over your assingments and my potential career options... our happy snapshots together have transformed into dull pictures of solitary.. our long useless converstions have transformed into cut-short gist talks... Oh ya.. accept it... things have changed...

From past two months, Im trying to find stability, but I guess Im realising that we have to be in this unstable state for long time..

I just wish that you were here or I was there or we were together anywhere..!

Life is like a stage... People come , people go.. People come to go out one day.. nad when they leave, they have no intention to return back..

Past that makes present so fake and past that is no longer important!

When you fall into it, its a viscious cycle of emotions, of luv, of hatred, of trust and of hypocrisy..

'Blogging frm Accenture Pvt Ltd on a sunday afternoon, getting highly bored with nuhtin:)

Happy Birthday Princess!!

My 21st birthday... one birthday which I wud neva like to remember.. Y me god? Y always me..? do u enjoy my pain so much? don u pity me.. or am I so bad? No.. I aint bad.. Its U.. U r da bigges hypocrite Ive eva seen..My mom worships u every single day.. nd U in return keep on givin her pains.. But Im not like my mom.. U spoiled even my bday.. U took away everything I wanted frm childhood...

Death is slowly taking over me.. but who will take care of mom nd di after tat.. only reason Im living ur so called given life.. but I know Ill be dying pretty soon.. I know its comin..but Im only worried abt mom nd di.. I don know.. Ill have o make so arrangements fast..

I so wish I cud get back my childhood.. wen I was little grl.. jus happily playin.. with mom nd di.. Rem my childhood bdays.. I used o get so many presents.. big cake.. big parties.. Di always used to give me so many surprises..I was unaware of pain tat time..

My bday wish: Gimme Death but plz take care of mom nd di....

I wonder how mnay ppl on this earth wish death on their bdays!

Apology!

Sorry my dear, U were my soul.. but believe me I missed u as much as u missed me... May 1st... da day which changed my life.. wen life gave its biggest blow to me.. wen I started hitting da reality... I wanted to tell u everything, once it comes.. but then it came in such a way tat i cudnt take it and I had to run away frm u..

IIM B , da least expected thing in my life, happened and it was a ephemeral blue.. Im not sad tat I dint convert it, Im sad tat I got da cal.. One cal which toppsy-turved all my life.. my dreams to be in US of A.. my whole career.. Two i-20's and Im workingin Accenture.. hmm...

Accenture, da same buliding I saw and chuckled wen I went for my IIM interview.. I go to da same buliding everyday , slog myself day in and day out.. I wonder da buliding must be laughing everyday looking at me wen I go to work..

The disatnce btw IIM B and Accenture is just few kms.. But not every letter in Accenture is written in caps.. I wonder my dear, how different it wud hav been to be on da other side of da game..

But alas! dis is life and Im getting to know tat fact!

Convoking phantasmagoria

This one's for da "closest person" in my engg life

I lay awake in bed all night
Hoping tat things wud get alright..

I shout, I weep, I cry
Unlike da tears, these wounds wud neva dry..

It is da ambivalent games u play
Tat is making me feel this way..

I thought I was ur closest one
Nd u made me realize, I was none..

Excruciating was all da pain
But alas! It all went in vain..

Oh my dearest, I defy thee
Now, unveil da hypocrisy!