Ms.Visage

Fights were becoming a part of our everyday life. We fought for every and anything under the sun.. I think every relationship has this phase -- "Fighting wala Phase" where people just fight and never get enough of it (btw it usually happens when the intial attraction dies down)...

I came back to my workstation just after one of those deadly fights.. I didn't expect his call atleast till a few days. After an hour, my phone beeped and surprisingly it was "him". I was expecting his "I am sorry talks".. But he had a different story to say.. his voice was beaming with excitement and the he told me that he was one of the lucky selected contestants for "Mr.Fresher". I was not aware of such competition but given my wonderful night shifts, I was not even aware of the cute guy in the next bay.. He told me that there were indeed some secret polls among the teams to select the candidates for the title.. I was cursed my teammates bigtime for not voting me.. I was with him still on the phone when my mailbox showed a new mail..

From : Visage Team ( vm933n )

To: Kartika, Kommuri ( kt040t)

Sub: Mr & Ms Fresher

Hi Kartika,

Its an honour for us to invite you to the Mr & Ms Fresher. You have been selected through secret voting among your teammates. Kindly report at Cafe Coffee Day in Tower A cafeteria at 4:00 pm. Please be prepared on your work life and career asiprations.

Regards,

Visage Team.

I screamed the news into the receiver.. But then , I wondered why had they sent an unofficial mail to this mail and the mail id "vm933n" seemed way too familiar..! The clock had already struck 3:55pm, so I hopped to my manager and told him the whole story. He wished me luck and asked to win the title at any cost.. ( btw he was only bothered to add the another award to the team.. he aint so sweet..!) .. I hurried to the lobby and took the first lift that went up..

All through the way up, I was thinking about how to win the contest.. Would they include some gift vouchers of Shoppers Stop or would it just be some choclates.. ?

Noo.. AT & T can't be so kanjuss...

There was no hungama yet by the Visage team near CCD.. I couldn't even find any Hr's or organisers also.. I wondered whether I saw the venue right. I even went ahead and asked Sid ( one fo the AT & T folks ) but he threw me a strange look..

Just then, I saw him standing in front of CCD.. I walked upto him and found him as clueless as me.. He told me to grab a table so that we could gulp something down before the big event. I went to our usual corner place and waited patiently for the confusion to clear up..

He brought my favourite black forest and his cappucino and said, "So, Ms. Visage, how are u?" something in his look made me feel that all of it was a trick nd I very much fell for it...

I couldn't stop that dimple to come onto my face and we both started smiling and blushing and finally laughing aloud... and then I replied, " Pretty gud, Mr. Visage ..!! "

The one thing I liked about him was his compatibility to my unpredictable nature which made our story a roller coaster ride..!

Words

I couldn’t breathe anymore.. or I was taking such deep breaths that I couldn't sense them..

My fingers couldn’t move on the keyboard.. or they were shivering vigorously..

My body was in convulsions.. or I was in the middle of an ocean trying to get out..

Everything seemed blur.. or a very bright light blinded my eyes..

My heart was having a sting of pain.. or it was butchered till its existence..

They were the same words that had the power to shatter me.. I heard them many times from many people.. every time the pain increased a notch higher.. it multiplied.. it scared me..

This time the pain so much that it just ceased to exist... I locked myself in a room.. I tried to shout out loud, loud so that someone could pull me out.. it was an intimate moment where at one time I saw all those ppl mocking at me and the other when I was crying alone in that closed space.. I am still able to hear those words many decibels higher and every time the void in my heart gets deeper.

“No matter wat I do, U need more, U shud go see a counselor or a psychiatrist.. a gud one this time..”

Debate.

Me: Why is it that these little hiccups of happiness don't stay long? I know I have made mistakes earlier, but I'm true this time.

Conscious: May be because darkness is more comforting and you secretly wish to get back to it. May be you feel everything has got back to normal when world has gone topsy-turvy outside you.

Me: No, I want some sunshine and colors in my life, I also want be loved, cared. I also want to be like other girls, I also want to lead a peaceful life.

Conscious: Huh! You still have people who love you truly and you know that. And roller coaster rides are never peaceful!

Me: But it succumbs all my energy, it drains me out. All the long gone insecurities build their impenetrable walls in my heart. It's suffocating.

Conscious: At least this phase gives you the inspiration to think, to write, to come out of your cocoon once in two years!

Temptations

Temptation comes to all of us. Whether or not we succumb depends on our ability to recognize its disguise. Sometimes it arrives in the form of an old flame flickering back to life or a new friend who could end up being so much more or a young child who awakens feelings we didn’t think we had. And we give in to these temptations all the while knowing that coming morning we have to suffer the consequences”

– Desperate Housewives

Yeh Dooriyan...

I just now saw the time in my lappy and it shows 00:20.. !! Your birthday had already started and you are in classroom sitting admist some firangs unaware of that fact.. Your face would have been smashed with cake but it shows no emotion now.. Your place would have gone loud with the music but you are sitting somewhere calm nd serene.. How big a difference distance can create..!

The asymmetry that distance brings into one's life is so tremendous. From climate to conversations, from people to priorities, from sunrise to sunset everything changes.. but the biggest hit is the time zone.. Its so strange that my whole day goes by waiting for your night and your whole night goes by waiting for my day... It upsets me that my wake-up calls become your good-night calls turning me all the more nocturnal.. Its a like viscious circle where we don't get to see the sunset together.. but yeah.., the moon makes me realise that WE are still on the same planet...

Our reliance free phone has transformed into India calling cards.. our weekend vacations has transformed into skype video calls.. our sulking about bosses has transformed into musings over your assingments and my potential career options... our happy snapshots together have transformed into dull pictures of solitary.. our long useless converstions have transformed into cut-short gist talks... Oh ya.. accept it... things have changed...

From past two months, Im trying to find stability, but I guess Im realising that we have to be in this unstable state for long time..

I just wish that you were here or I was there or we were together anywhere..!

Life is like a stage... People come , people go.. People come to go out one day.. nad when they leave, they have no intention to return back..

Past that makes present so fake and past that is no longer important!

When you fall into it, its a viscious cycle of emotions, of luv, of hatred, of trust and of hypocrisy..

'Blogging frm Accenture Pvt Ltd on a sunday afternoon, getting highly bored with nuhtin:)

Happy Birthday Princess!!

My 21st birthday... one birthday which I wud neva like to remember.. Y me god? Y always me..? do u enjoy my pain so much? don u pity me.. or am I so bad? No.. I aint bad.. Its U.. U r da bigges hypocrite Ive eva seen..My mom worships u every single day.. nd U in return keep on givin her pains.. But Im not like my mom.. U spoiled even my bday.. U took away everything I wanted frm childhood...

Death is slowly taking over me.. but who will take care of mom nd di after tat.. only reason Im living ur so called given life.. but I know Ill be dying pretty soon.. I know its comin..but Im only worried abt mom nd di.. I don know.. Ill have o make so arrangements fast..

I so wish I cud get back my childhood.. wen I was little grl.. jus happily playin.. with mom nd di.. Rem my childhood bdays.. I used o get so many presents.. big cake.. big parties.. Di always used to give me so many surprises..I was unaware of pain tat time..

My bday wish: Gimme Death but plz take care of mom nd di....

I wonder how mnay ppl on this earth wish death on their bdays!