loneliness haunts....

Sometimes i feel there r 'n' people living inside me...

each havin its own desires, each seeking its own destiny , each takin its own breath,each fighting for its own existence, each one trying to take control over me...

Sometimes im dis bubbly grl next door, challenging, smart nd sassy, having loads of frndz, does dozens of masti , giggling at stupid boyz, gossiping over other grls, sweetheart of my parents, having a beatific smile at every problem tat comes my way....

But most of da time, im dominated by a lonely person living with storming debates in her brain... seeking for solitude.. craving for pain... undisturbed by crowds.. mind secluded from worldly beings.. jus stare at da sky drifting in my own melancholy...

Thinking of the innumerable moments.. some gud, some bad, some breathtaking, some heart breaking.. but all fake... moments.., somewhere frozen in time.. relationships presumed to be eternal but were just ephemeral blues... words tat keep running thru ears.. images tat keep flashing in mind..

so untrue, so feign....

Believed in fantasies, believed in dreams, believed in relationships, believed in emotions, believed in love..

all when i was kid...

But as i grew up , as i started hitting da reality,

fantasies faded, dreams shtattered, realtionships vanished, emotions faked out...

nd love.. hmm... it lost its meaning completely...

But something veracious happened during this period... my heart broke into a million pieces.. it seared down to ashes.. it lost its life...

From the innocent grl, i transformed into an emotionless female... a callous loner who doesnt even trust her own soul...