Apology!

Sorry my dear, U were my soul.. but believe me I missed u as much as u missed me... May 1st... da day which changed my life.. wen life gave its biggest blow to me.. wen I started hitting da reality... I wanted to tell u everything, once it comes.. but then it came in such a way tat i cudnt take it and I had to run away frm u..

IIM B , da least expected thing in my life, happened and it was a ephemeral blue.. Im not sad tat I dint convert it, Im sad tat I got da cal.. One cal which toppsy-turved all my life.. my dreams to be in US of A.. my whole career.. Two i-20's and Im workingin Accenture.. hmm...

Accenture, da same buliding I saw and chuckled wen I went for my IIM interview.. I go to da same buliding everyday , slog myself day in and day out.. I wonder da buliding must be laughing everyday looking at me wen I go to work..

The disatnce btw IIM B and Accenture is just few kms.. But not every letter in Accenture is written in caps.. I wonder my dear, how different it wud hav been to be on da other side of da game..

But alas! dis is life and Im getting to know tat fact!

Convoking phantasmagoria

This one's for da "closest person" in my engg life

I lay awake in bed all night
Hoping tat things wud get alright..

I shout, I weep, I cry
Unlike da tears, these wounds wud neva dry..

It is da ambivalent games u play
Tat is making me feel this way..

I thought I was ur closest one
Nd u made me realize, I was none..

Excruciating was all da pain
But alas! It all went in vain..

Oh my dearest, I defy thee
Now, unveil da hypocrisy!

Happy "Womens day"

During my extensive GD/ PI session , I met a lady named Manisha who was one of our HR faculty. My meeting with her became more intersting because she was also passionate about social service. She used to work for UNICEF for commercial sex workers in Kolkata.

"Commercial Sex Workers"-- this term sounded so cliched to me. I thought their heart-breaking stories were only limited to reel life. But thanks to ma'am, she exposed me to the hard reality by describing about a red light area in Kolkata.

"Around 30-40 girls, nearly 14 to 15 yrs of age, live together in a small single room. They have bunkers lined up till the roof and a small area beneath their bunkers serves as their bathroom. They serve their clients in their bunkers itself, for 100-200rs. And the client generally prefers a virgin because it is a myth that he wud get rid of his sexual sorder on an encounter with a young female."

At an age, when we didn't even know what prostitution was all abt, in a room which is smaller than our usual bedrooms, for an amount which we would just blast away in an evening, these girls have to sell their body, their souls and their lives.

At an age, when all of us were busy with our rat race for marks, when all of us were blushing in our early crushes, when all of us were happy in our mom's cuddles, when all of us were still realising what life was all about, at this tender adolscent age, these girls are exploited to their best. Their bodies are plundered by some depraved beasts, their young spirits are ripped off by the lust of the evil, their lives are sold away by the greedy, their tears go unnoticed in the darkness of their lives, their beauty is burnt away in the raunchy desires of the society.

And the irony being, when caught by the police, these girls are termed as "culprits" and their clients as "victims".

This coming saturday is the so called " Women's Day". While women are being tortured by evils like prostitution, molestation, child sexual abuse, dowry murders, female infanticides and many more. our politicians and socialites are talking of Women Empowerment..!

After 60 years of independence, this is the condition of a woman in Indian society and the only thing that haunts my mind is

" Is it a mistake to be born as a girl ..?"

Wake up people.. Its high time!

Destiny or Coincidence...??

This may seem like a movie to most of ull.. but believe me its so fun to have all these filmi things happening in ur life..!!

Nervous, i entered da exam hall... It was da first of my +1 exam.. I saw faces equally tensed like mine.. I hurriedly took my seat nd started writing.. I finished da exam 15 min early nd started checking my paper for any mistakes ( god i was a geek those days!!)..

wait a min . . .

suddenly, i realised tat someone was staring at me.. my instinct told it was da guy in da next row.. my usual dirty habit of turning around made me look at him.. first thing i noticed abt him was his hair.. ahhh... i luv silky hairr..!! I immediately switched my gaze..but i was slowly looking at him frm da corner of my eye..
aaah ..he caught me looking at him.. shitt man..!!

There started da movie.. we used to finish our exams early everyday nd begin line marofying each other ;)..nd soon were at da end of our exams.. i felt bad tat ill miss my sweet timepass..

Soon they announced abt betterment nd i hoped so much tat he shud get less marks ( dirty me.. less marks only for my timepass... god save my soul!!!)...as expected i saw him da betterment too.. each day was a fashion parade for me.. i tried to look my best everyday( neways i know i am :P)..

But dis time i used my intellectual brains nd found out his name frm da attendence sheet.. it was KRANTHI...so anyone out ther who needs any luv advice.. da cupid is here.. ping me!!

Soon da climax of da movie arrived.. it was da last day of da exams.. da last meet.. da last look..

But dis time he had da guts to walk upto me.. my heart was beating with excitement...my blood pressure wud hav crosses da high BP limits...i cud hear my own heartbeat...

Dhad Dhad Dhad.........

In btw my mind was racing with so many thoughts..
wat wud he ask..??
Is he comin to me or someone else..??
wud he directly propose me or ask for my no..??

But as i say it is a movie.. nd a movie has a villian ryt...
So here comes da villian of our story.. my autowala (who picks me up frm exam centre nd drops me at home)...he came barging in btw both of us obstructing our view... he was about to come closer wen da automan shouted

" amma ... auto ekkandi.. time avutundi.. inka school pillalni pick cheyyali..!!!"

dam it..da autowala didnt even wait for few mins.. i was walking as slowly as i cud to da auto... but dis time my luck didnt work.. nd my automan rushed me off before he cud reach me..

I used my genuis brain once again nd searched for him (since i knew his name, i thot it wud be easy)... i enquired with all my frnds frm different colleges.. unlike my subjects i got a zero here:(

But now u may get a doubt... wherz da twist in da tale..???

here comes da twist...
I saw him again after an year at da end of my +2 exams near a busstop.. he put on a lil weight nd was still looking cute.. but by then, i lost my crush on him( da frequency of my crsuhes is too high nearly order of megahertz :D..) nd laughed at my own stupidity....

But y am i writing this post after so many yrs after tat incident ...
cos i saw him again today at foodex( a local hangout)...
god...i was so shocked!!!

Is this destiny????
Or coincidence..???
Or may b ...
may b...
may b...


may b da city is too small :P....!!!!!!

Fallen Angel

Little angel was born, pure nd pious
She loved everyone without any bias..

She thought life wud be a fairytale
But as she grew, her dreams became more pale..

Her fragile wings wanted to fly
To soar new heights in da sky..

But da reality hit her so hard
That she was shattered to shards..

It was da heights of pain
That was making her go insane..

All her dreams were torn
For she was thrown into forlorn..

Her naked body was battered
And her tender wings were spattered..

Her blood had turned blue
It was in its deepest hue..

Now she lay in dead slumber
And her body grew even more numbber..

P.S : this is da first time ive tried writing a poem, so plz excuse me for any mistakes..

aah.. y engineering:((

It was VHDL lab. VHDL- da abbreviation of which, im confused till date. I was late , so I had to rush to the lab.. (dam tat stupid bus i got into..). I was panting for breath wen i finally reached da lab nd found a comfortable chair.. da lecturer lulled me to sleep with his profound(--hence boring) demonstration..

We were asked to perform some expt on FGPA or somethin..yawn!!..My frnd was punching in some code into da comp.. nd we got somethin in yellow on da screen.. i even failed to notice it...i was thinking y did she stop typing, looking at tat yellow thing..??? i was later enlightened by her tat it was a warning nd there was somethin wrong in da synthesis part.. phew .. dam.. dese comps r soo sick!!!

She consulted another guy ( a geek of course.. how do dese ppl manage to study all this shit!!)... they were speaking somethin in greek nd latin $&^#^*..i cudnt even get a single word.. i mean everything was goin above my head..i tried concentrating a second time.. but.. phew!! screw it man.. i know i wud forget it anyways .. so y wasting my sleep... i'd better return back to my hibernation..

Later in da class, i was thrown into oblivion.. y did i ever choose engineering nd ece tat too..dese radars nd diodes are fucking my brain off!!.. i mean i cud hav been a .. a journalist( oh i jus luv travelling:)) .. or may b a critic( either books or movies.. anythin wud have done).. or even a fashion designer( i can pretty much match my shoes nd bag!! yipee!!)..or finally an actor( i always act my fav scenes frm movies in frot of my mirror;) .. nd i always wanted to be in page3 )..
I mean , im in da final year of engineering nd im still perplexed abt my career..im more confused than a child who has to choose bwtn a choclate nd an ice-cream... i mean dis is da heights of idiosyncrasies!!!

loneliness haunts....

Sometimes i feel there r 'n' people living inside me...

each havin its own desires, each seeking its own destiny , each takin its own breath,each fighting for its own existence, each one trying to take control over me...

Sometimes im dis bubbly grl next door, challenging, smart nd sassy, having loads of frndz, does dozens of masti , giggling at stupid boyz, gossiping over other grls, sweetheart of my parents, having a beatific smile at every problem tat comes my way....

But most of da time, im dominated by a lonely person living with storming debates in her brain... seeking for solitude.. craving for pain... undisturbed by crowds.. mind secluded from worldly beings.. jus stare at da sky drifting in my own melancholy...

Thinking of the innumerable moments.. some gud, some bad, some breathtaking, some heart breaking.. but all fake... moments.., somewhere frozen in time.. relationships presumed to be eternal but were just ephemeral blues... words tat keep running thru ears.. images tat keep flashing in mind..

so untrue, so feign....

Believed in fantasies, believed in dreams, believed in relationships, believed in emotions, believed in love..

all when i was kid...

But as i grew up , as i started hitting da reality,

fantasies faded, dreams shtattered, realtionships vanished, emotions faked out...

nd love.. hmm... it lost its meaning completely...

But something veracious happened during this period... my heart broke into a million pieces.. it seared down to ashes.. it lost its life...

From the innocent grl, i transformed into an emotionless female... a callous loner who doesnt even trust her own soul...